Metal Scoville Scale
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The Metal Scoville Scale — How Much Brutality Can You Take?!?!?

This is a list to test your metal pallet. Post in the comments how much brutality you can stand and share with your metalhead friends to see if they can handle it!

The Metal Scoville Scale 

“Livin’ After Midnight” – Judas Priest

From their controversially chipper Screaming For Vengeance, Judas Priest dishes our one of the happiest songs in metal! This is just to get your toes wet, so don’t have a cow, man.

“NIB” – Black Sabbath

Godfathers of the genre, Black Sabbath were controversial at their inception. However, retain enough ties to blues and jazz to be accessible to most music fans. Get well soon, Ozzy!

“Helter Skelter” – The Beatles

You might be a bit peeved at me implying that The Beatles are heavier than Black Sabbath, but Ozzy loves the Beatles so shut up. This song was in retaliation to a less-than-stellar album by The Who, and The Beatles decided if no one else would get crazy, then they would have to.

“Ace of Spades” – Motorhead

A blistering punk-inspired rock/metal hybrid that was penned by legendary frontman the late Lemmy Kilmister. The meaning of the song eluded audiences for years, but the lyrical message was finally revealed; it’s about poker.

“Battery” – Metallica

The most commercially successful thrash metal band of the 1980s, so some would say the least-heavy. I would submit to you nay-sayers this challenge; Just imagine playing this on guitar while singing. ‘Das brutal.

“Raining Blood” – Slayer

Arguably one of the greatest riffs of all time and with lyrics ruthless enough to fill you with dread. However, it’s not that different from what’s in the Book of Revelations, given band lyricist Araya’s Catholic beliefs. Thanks to Family Home Evening, we’ve read more or less the same stuff.

“Lucid” – Polaris

One the few metalcore bands I listen to, this song holds onto some “clean” vocals that keep the song from completely alienating non-metalheads. But with soaring screams from the frontman and a punishing breakdown riff, just make sure you put your seatbelt on for the duration of the song.

“Hammer Smashed Face” – Cannibal Corpse

This is the band from Ace Ventura, a favorite of Jim Carrey. The guitars will give you whiplash. The bass will give you tendinitis. The drums will give you shell shock. The vocals are a blessing, shielding you from the brutality of the lyrics. Look them up at your own risk

“I Am King” – Code Orange

A new hardcore outfit that was recently nominated for a Grammy Award. I have controversially ranked them above Hamer Smashed Face for the tempo changes, pure sludge and the real terror that Code Orange puts into their music.

“Decapitation Fornication” – Infant Annihilator

There are some plebs out there who say “less is more.” Less is more? I say less is worst-est! The absence of blast beats only shows you how much ‘blast’ you can beat into a song. Your floors will be spotless after all the guitar sweeping. And don’t read the lyrics unless you want to risk losing it all to a life of deviation.

“Year 3000” – The Jonas Brothers

Year 3000, 3000 times. If you can listen to this song 3000 times, then even Nathan Explosion will admit you are more brutal than he.

 

The Metal Scoville Scale was written and organized by Scott Villanueva

 

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